


Are We Possible?

by dieukyungsoo



Series: dieukyungsoo's one shots + drabbles [3]
Category: Momoland (Band)
Genre: F/F, Insanity, Letters, Love Letters, MOMOLAND - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-10 03:44:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20521403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieukyungsoo/pseuds/dieukyungsoo
Summary: In which Lee Ahin's homophobic parents ship her off to a Catholic boarding school, and she begins to contemplate her relationship with Sung Jiyeon.





	Are We Possible?

**Author's Note:**

> This drabble does deal with aspects of homophobia (particularly inflicted by the Catholic Church). I have nothing against Catholics or the Catholic Church (or any other members of other religions). However, I do believe that everyone has the right to love who they want to (as long as their is no abuse on either side). This drabble also contains strong language, mentions of murder and insanity, and sexual references.

_ Sept. 23rd _

_ My Dearest, Jiyeon, _

_ It has nearly been a year now since I have arrived at Mary Magdalene Catholic Boarding School. A year since I have left you. _

_ I know my correspondence with you is not the most ideal...please understand the sisters here monitor my interaction with the outside world heavily. They consider most things outside the school to be unholy. _

_ I am not sure where we stand. Whether you still like me and still consider or want us to be together. I know I ‘dropped off the face of the Earth’, so to speak. I understand if you have lost interest or moved on. _

_ Whether you can bear the thought of me or not, whether you have stopped reading or not, whether you will respond or not, I will tell you of my time here in Mary Magdalene Catholic Boarding School. _

_ At first, I was quite scared. Miles away from my home and everything I once knew, I wondered if there would be anything positive out of this at all. I was scared I would make and have no friends. That I would not do well with my studies. That the sisters here would all be mean and cruel. _

_ Do you remember, this time last year, when we went to the movies together? We watched that horror movie you wanted to see. Do you remember, Jiyeon? Do you remember how the sisters there were in constant prayer? _

_ I was scared that Mary Magdalene Catholic Boarding School would turn out like that. Not under a curse, no, but constant and utter boringness. Boringness so boring I would want to hit my head against the wall. _

_ I have worried for nothing, my dearest Jiyeon, as none of that turned out to be true. _

_ I made friends quite easily. A lot of the other new girls were also alone and scared. I get along well with girls named Lee Yoobin, Bae Yubin, Choi Yuna, Kim Minkyung, Kang Kyungwon, and Baek Yebin. I like these girls, and they are my friends, but they will never be as close to me as you, Kim Taeha, and Yoo Jungahn are. _

_ Our routine here has not changed much in the time I have been here. Morning prayer and breakfast, morning studies, another prayer, morning break, afternoon prayer, afternoon studies, another prayer, afternoon break and meal, evening prayer, dinner, another prayer, evening break, another prayer, night studies (homework), night prayer, bed, and repeat. _

_ We have a lot of limitations here. On weekends we can have visitors and wear our own clothes, as long as they follow dress rule. During the week, we are to interact with our other sisters only and wear a uniform. At night, we have to be silent, unless in prayer. We can only say certain things, and if one of us says something that is deemed unholy profanity we are punished. We eat all of our meals in the same hall, and some of the nuns prepare them for us. Sometimes, a good punishment will be helping with meal preparation. Lee Yoobin received that punishment once after she stole from another sister. She told us the nuns who prepare our meals are ‘crabby, grumpy, mean old women’. She got ten lashes to the wrist with a ruler for that. That is nothing for our Dami, though. She has done and gotten worse. _

_ I fear that Dami’s behaviour will get her removed from Mary Magdalene Catholic Boarding School. It makes me want to do and be my best so I am not removed. _

_ Not that I would mind being removed. It means I would be able to see you, and Taeha and Daisy again. Eat fish and say ‘fuck’ very loudly and not have to pray before each meal.  _

_ But if I got removed, not only would that show on my record, and any hope I may have of getting into a different college or university goes away, but my parents and the other sisters would be even more disappointed in me than they already are. _

_ Are you proud of me, Jane? Or are you disappointed in me, too? _

_ I understand if you are. _

_ I am in myself. _

_ Please respond, my dearest Jane. For I miss you so, and although I will not be able to hear your voice for some time, I wish to read words that have spilled from your own marvelous head. _

_ Your dearest, Lee Ahin _

  
  


_ Sept. 30th _

_ My lovely Jiyeon, _

_ Although I am yet to hear back from you (I am not even sure if you have yet to receive my first letter), I shall write to you anyways. _

_ Do you remember when we first met? _

_ You were ten. I was twelve. _

_ We met at a theatre camp. _

_ Do you remember that? Do you remember the show we did?  _

_ We performed  _ Wicked,  _ and although it was our first show and we had such small roles, no speaking lines, we were still so incredibly excited.  _

_ Opening night, our mothers gave us flowers and we cried because we feared we would never see each other again, although we were both already preparing for our audition for the next show in two weeks. _

_ Do you remember that one sleepover we had that show? We were at my house, and we watched a movie about two women who fell in love. Hardly appropriate for us at the time, but I enjoyed it with you nonetheless. _

_ I cannot speak for you, my lovely, but I know that when we watched that movie, something struck a chord inside of me. I found myself questioning myself after. I felt the want to kiss and date and hold girls’ hands, not those of men as I should. I found myself finding girls pretty instead of men and wanting to one day marry another girl instead of a man. _

_ I would be lying, Jiyeon, if I said I did not still feel this way. Despite my time here at Mary Magdalene Catholic Boarding School, my feelings of romantic desire towards women has not faded nor gone away as the sisters and my parents would hope. Instead, Jane, it has grown stronger, like when you blow gently on the red hot coal of a fire. You, of all people, my lovely, should know this, for my feelings for you have not only grown stronger, but more sure. _

_ Please respond, my lovely, for I need some of the light you shine in my life, especially in these upcoming dreary months. _

_ They will be utterly more bitter without you, my lovely. _

_ Your loveliest, Lee Ahin  _

  
  


_ Oct. 7th _

_ My favourite, Jiyeon, _

_ I am still yet to hear from you, but I still hold out hope that I will. Something inside me knows that a letter with your writings will arrive to me soon. _

_ Every day during afternoon break and lunch I go to the delivery room to see if anything has been sent to me. I long for the day I will see my name written prettily across an envelope in your pretty writing. _

_ My favourite, I have another time I would like you to reminiscence with me. Bear true, for this one is important. _

_ I was fifteen, and you thirteen. We were doing another show at the theatre at the time. Although we were yet to earn ourselves lead roles, we had made our ways up the ranks, having speaking roles. I believe that show was  _ Jekyll & Hyde _ . We both received townspeople roles, and both had much fun performing  _ Murder, Murder.  _ Do you remember the older boy, Park Chanyeol? Who had received the role of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde? Do you remember telling me you had a crush on him, and slipping small notes and gifts into his backpack? He was a stupid boy. _

_ Do you remember one night, walking home, when I whispered to you that I did not like Park Chanyeol? That I thought he was a stupid boy, and I do not like boys, especially stupid ones. I told you I only liked girls, even stupid ones. I told you all my deepest, darkest thoughts, feelings, and secrets, even my secret want to kiss that one girl whose name I couldn’t remember. _

_ Do you remember, a few years later, you told me you also liked girls? You were done with stupid, silly boys and you, too, wanted to kiss girls. _

_ So I let you kiss me.  _

_ For you were the girl all those years ago I wanted to kiss, but I was too ashamed to confess to you, so I said it was someone else with a name I couldn’t remember. _

_ Do you remember all that time we spent together afterwards? All that time we spent kissing and holding hands and giving each other promises of eternity and love? _

_ Please respond, my favourite Jane, for I miss the feeling of your lips against mine. With every passing day it becomes clearer and clearer. I must see you again.  _

_ Your favourite, Lee Ahin _

  
  


_ Oct. 14th _

_ My most beautiful Jiyeon, _

_ I have not yet gotten a response from you, but I will soon, my most beautiful. In the meantime, until I get your response, this shall be my last letter. I have one last time I want you to remember for me. Please think long and deep about this, and be rational. _

_ It was last year, before I came here to Mary Magdalene Catholic Boarding School. We were together at my home. It was summer, I think, for we were outside, laying in the sun. I kissed your cheek, just as the sun did your skin. I ran my hands through your hair, watching the sun’s late rays sparkle through it.  _

_ We did not know at the time, but my parents watched us. They saw us laugh and kiss each other, our hands run over each other. They did not like that. They think love should be between a man and a woman, and any two women who love each other are sinners who are forever condemned to Hell. The sisters here at Mary Magdalene Catholic Boarding School think that, too. _

_ I know I should have thought that as well. But, if it is true, I am not mad, for that means I get to spend eternity in Hell with you, and anywhere with you is paradise. _

_ Do you remember, my most beautiful Jane, when I had to tell you I was leaving? How I cried into the shoulder, soaking your jean jacket with my tears? You did not cry at the time, but when you went home, alone in your room, your pillows were more wet than your jacket. You reminded me of pretty Alice Kingsleigh, who cried so much the room overflowed with her tears. I thought of you that way, everything I touched of yours becoming wet with tears.  _

_ Do you remember the night before I left? The last night we spent together? I told you everything. All my thoughts and feelings, my worries and fears. I feared we would no longer be together, that in our time apart your love for me would fade. I whispered to you “are we possible?” and you whispered back “yes”, and since then I have been content. I have made it this far with the thought of you, knowing that the promises you gave me are true. _

_ But now, my most beautiful Jane, I must ask you again, are we possible? It has been a year since I have seen you, heard you, felt you. The sisters here say they feel the Holy Spirit within them, sure and strong. Yet I have never felt that, but the feeling deep within me, surging sure and strong, is you, for I keep you close to me.  _

_ Are we possible, my dearest, my lovely, my favourite, my most beautiful Jane?  _

_ Lee Ahin _

  
  


“Have any letters arrived for me?” Lee Ahin asked the attendant who opened the door to her room.

The attendant smiled empathetically, placing a tray of food on the floor near the girl. “Unfortunately, no, my sweet,” the attendant told her. “Do you have another letter you would like to send?”

Ahin nodded, scrambling up and handing the attendant a crumpled piece of paper with the harsh, black writings all over it. 

“Please send it with care,” Ahin instructed. “For my sweet, sweet Sung Jiyeon may only receive the utmost best.”

  
  


“I will.” the attendant promised, placing the letter in her pocket.

“Thank you, Sister.” Ahin said as the attendant slipped out of Ahin’s room, returning to the kitchen.

“Did she give you another letter, Sissy?” another attendant asked.

Sissy nodded, unfurling the crumpled paper as her friend looked on. “Poor girl,” she frowned. “She is so invested in her. I feel bad for her. She truly doesn’t know she’s dead.”

“Or that it was her own hand that killed her.” the second attendant commented, sliding another tray of food Sissy’s way.

“Or that it’s Mary Magdalene Mental Hospital, not a Catholic boarding school.”

“Explains why she’s always curled up in prayer, though. Anyways, this goes to Lee Yoobin.”

Sissy tossed Ahin’s paper into the trash before scooping up the tray for Lee Yoobin. “Ugh, the screamer Yoobin?”

“The one who talks to herself is  _ Bae _ Yubin.” 


End file.
